Monthly Archives: January 2016

The Negativity Bias of the Brain

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  C 5 disks stuck energy 260    Have you ever found your mind caught in a negative thought loop? If you have observed this you may be wondering why it seems so easy to “go negative, or stay negative”. We as human beings tend to have our attention drawn to the  negative.  Dr. Baumeister and colleagues, in his work, “Bad is Stronger than Good”, noted there is strong support for the notion that negative information generally has a stronger pull on attention than does positive information. It turns out that the wiring of our brain is the culprit for this fact. Other research indicates  that negative things stick out and make a lasting impression much easier than positive things. Generally speaking, when people are presented with a range of trait information about a target individual, the traits are neither “averaged” nor “summed” to reach a final impression. Rather, negative things move to the front of the line, and are remembered the most.  When traits differ in terms of their positivity and negativity, negative traits disproportionately impact the final impression.

      If you form a negative belief about another person and store it in your memory, it may take 7 to 10 positive things to soften your view of that person. Many people, however, do not want to change their view of another person. It takes quite a bit of mindful awareness to choose to let go of a negative belief. Negative beliefs are wired into the amygdala of the brain, that spot where fear gathers. Once we decide that something is fearful, we are in no hurry to reassess. In the field of neuroscience they discovered that startling experiences go immediately into the long-term memory circuits, and positive things do not. It may take up to 30 seconds of focused attention for an experience to go into long-term memory. It is no surprise, with life’s many daily challenges, that many people have gotten stuck on the negativity loop. The good news is that there are many tools available to counteract the negativity bias of the brain.

Ways we Avoid Pain

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Our body is designed to move toward pleasure and away from pain. For most of us, this translates into developing complex strategies as a way of avoiding pain. Do you recognize any of the following in your life?

ORAL: If you didn’t get enough nurturance in your early life, it is easy to develop an oral strategy. Food, beverages, or nicotine can all activate feel-good hormones and help us avoid pain. (connection, love, nurturing)

ACQUIRING THINGS: When we buy something new, feel-good hormones are released in the brain, and we experience pleasure. When this becomes an entrenched strategy, we need to shop a lot! (connection, nurturing)

SEXUALIZED STRATEGY:  Once a person becomes sexually active, it is easy to get drawn into the power and pleasure of sexual energy. When we habitually turn toward this energy, we may be avoiding pain.  Sometimes this pattern takes a seductive form when we enjoy the power of drawing others toward us in this way. Often this strategy precludes true intimacy. (connection, autonomy love)

SELF-RELIANCE:  If we did not receive the support and nurturance we needed as a child, we could develop a strategy where we “do it all ourselves” to cover up the pain of feeling unsupported. (Autonomy, safety, trust

WORKAHOLIC STRATEGY:  Some children and adults figure out that if they keep themselves busy all the time they don’t have to feel their uncomfortable emotions. By shifting your awareness away from your body and feelings and focusing on work, you avoid the pain of messy emotions.  (connection, attunement, respect, love)

DECEPTION: If you were a child in a dysfunctional family and it wasn’t safe to “speak your truth,” you may have developed a deceptive strategy. This deception can show up in a variety of ways. You might lie, or puff yourself up to look more competent than you feel. You might become manipulative, charming, or seductive. All of this deception is in place to protect yourself from feeling pain. (attunement, trust, autonomy)

PEOPLE-PLEASING AND SELF CENSORSHIP: If you have this strategy, you go out of your way to get the other person what they need, often at your own expense. You don’t ask for what you need, or clearly voice your preference. Often this strategy is fueled by the fear of conflict or feelings of unworthiness. (autonomy, nurturing, mirroring, self-expression)

INTELLECTUALIZING: In our culture at large we are encouraged to think instead of feel. It is pretty easy to develop a strategy where we do just that. (connection, attunement, trust)

CONTROL: If you have this strategy, you try to manage the uncertainty and unpredictability of life by trying to control details, or control the people near you. (trust)

VICTIM IDENTITY: In this strategy a person plays the “powerless” card. This lets you avoid any fear, shame, pain, discomfort, or loss of relationship that might be required if you take responsibility, speak your truth, or stay present during conflict. (trust, connection)

SCREEN ADDICTION: One of the latest and most popular avoidant strategies involves gluing yourself to your smart phone or other screen.  Those little bits of electronic contact can keep you very distracted from the whole range of emotions and sensations moving through your being. (connection, nurturance)

ARROGANCE:  This strategy displays as a subtle or not-so-subtle sense of superiority. This often masks feelings of shame or unworthiness. (trust, connection)

These strategies arise from unmet needs in our early life, which can be grouped into five main categories:  CONNECTION, ATTUNEMENT, TRUST, AUTONOMY, HEALTHY SEXUALITY.

 

 

 

 

 

 

ARCHETYPAL Energy Psychotherapy

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healing child 260

I am sometimes asked what the ARCHETYPAL part of Archetypal energy Psychotherapy is, so I would like to address that question here. An archetype is a prototype, a broad brush stroke of an energy pattern or being. Some common archetypes are the mother, father, child, warrior, wholeness, higher self or wise sage, defensive parts or the mystic center. It is important to differentiate between the archetype and the symbol of the archetype. Take for example the archetype of the mother. Some ancient cultures have symbolized the energy of the nurturing mother as a cow. In Alaska, however, the native peoples there used the symbol of a whale to represent the mother. Same archetype, different symbol.

            In Archetypal Energy Psychotherapy healing archetypes are sometimes invoked, or spontaneously appear. Let me give you an example from a session I did many years ago.  My client was struggling with the fact that her father appeared to be rejecting her, and her mother was cold and un-nurturing. These two issues made it very difficult to come out and function in the world. She was often so angry about the situation that she would scream at the people she loved, pushing them away. She also disclosed that she almost died as an infant because she couldn’t absorb her mother’s emotionally toxic milk. We explored the issues, recalling old memories and allowing for emotional release. The client feared that the father was pushing her right out of existence, and she would die. I guided her into the sensations in her body and energy field, and then a series of images unfolded.

             The client saw herself about 3 years old, riding a tricycle right toward “the void”. She was very afraid of disappearing, but I encouraged her to go into the void and see what was there.  As she approached the portal to the void, she got smaller and smaller, until she disappeared through the portal. Immediately she found herself in the body of the great cosmic mother. She was held and nurtured there, as a fetus in the womb.  Then the mother began extracting little dark pearls of toxins from her body, and replacing them with pearls of light and love.  I guided the client to sense into her body and really absorb the love into her very cells.

            In the next image, the client saw herself in a teepee. She was a newborn baby being lovingly mothered. Time went by, and soon she was ready to explore the world a bit. As she crawled out the teepee door, an archetypal father was waiting there for her. He appeared as a Native American, strong yet gentle. He took her hand and helped her walk.  I guided my client to see if that being had an identifying name, so she could call on him again. His name was Speechwalker. We were both a little puzzled but then the client realized that this archetypal father was here to help her learn to speak more skillfully, and walk into the world!

            Research in the field of neuro-science reveals that there is no difference to the brain between visualizing something and physically experiencing it. By accessing the archetypes of the nurturing mother and helpful father, my client was building new, wholesome neural-pathways in her brain. She was repairing the damage by her dysfunctional family of origin.  I encouraged her to visit this archetypal mother and father often, to fully resculpt her brain and eventually heal her mother and father wounds.

 

CONNECTION

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Welcome, readers. I would like to open this blog by exploring one of our profound needs as a human being, which is CONNECTION. The quality of our connections in utero and early childhood effect the quality of our connections the rest of our lives. If those connections were poor, we can develop a whole “survival style” around those unmet needs. I have a personal interest in this topic, because my own early connections were inadequate.

In Archetypal Energy Psychotherapy and Trauma Release work I use the 5 survival styles developed by the NARM method of therapy. The first survival style is appropriately labeled CONNECTION. A person with this survival style can often feel shame at even existing. They feel like a burden to those around them and often have an overwhelming sense of not belonging to the family or tribe they were born into. The root chakra in people with the connection survival style is often blocked and not working. People with these unmet needs often demonstrate the symptoms of trauma, including disassociation.  The compensating,  pride-based identifications might include pride in being a loner and not needing others, or pride in not being emotional.

The pain that people with the connection survival style feel can be immense. Every day can hold a sense of not belonging and of profound loneliness. Because their root chakra is not functioning, many of these people are very ungrounded in their lives. They may move from house to house, town to town, and relationship to relationship. Many homeless people have early bonding and connection wounds. Others with this style spend their days semi-disassociated. A numbing fog softens the intensity of the pain. Many of the activities on the long list of ways to avoid pain are employed by people with the connection survival style. Learning to become present with pain, is often very difficult for people with bonding wounds. When they do cultivate the skill, the intense shame of not belonging emerges.

“When I would go to therapy, my therapist would have me sink into my body and begin to feel myself. Inevitably I would fall asleep, right on the spot! At times she invited be to surrender to the sleep, and then I would experience myself floating out of my body. It took months before I could stay present with myself without escaping in this way. My mom had a major taboo against me being me. When I finally did come into my body, I felt this profound shame and embarrassment balled up in a knot in my belly. It was impossible for me to feel welcome where ever I was.

In my Archetypal Energy Psychotherapy and Trauma Release work, I utilize a variety of tools to help heal connection and bonding wounds.